Jane Austen Men as Pitbull Lyrics

The men in Jane Austen novels are a particular breed because they make endlessly entertaining choices - good or bad. Rapper Pitbull, whilst not being very Austenian, provides the level of chaotic lyricism that matches the energy these men give off. (I don't know why I am trying to explain or justify myself for creating this, I just wanted to do it, don't judge me!) Spoilers ahead.

Mather Brown (circa 1780-1834), Royal Museums Greeenwich

John Thorpe (Northanger Abbey)

Northanger Abbey 2007 ITV / Granada Productions

Ambitious, vain and a mummy's boy through and through, John Thorpe assumes Catherine Morland is made of money. He refuses to believe her when she tells him otherwise. Only when the penny finally drops (if you'll pardon the pun) that Catherine is telling the truth about her financial status does Mr. Thorpe abandon his efforts in marrying her.

'I'm a hustler baby, but that you knew

And tonight it's just me and you, dale'

- DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love

Thorpe almost says this word for word in Northanger Abbey give or take.

William Collins (Pride and Prejudice)

Pride and Prejudice 2005 Universal Pictures

Overly confident in his own rather lacking attributes, Mr. Collins rapidly pursues women on his wife-quest. He is awkward, untactful, understands nothing about women and has zero shame despite all the Bennet sisters thinking he is as a professional flop.

'Label flop but Pit won't stop'

- I Know You Want Me

George Knightley (Emma)

EMMA 2020 Focus Features

Mr. Knightley may find Emma Woodhouse and her meddling in other's lives annoying and rude but he loves her nonetheless. Judgemental and reserved, Mr. Knightley struggles to tell Emma how he feels, especially when Emma expresses little interest in finding a husband for herself. Despite holding back for a long time, he realises he will never love another and cannot lose her.

'One love (Love), one life (Life)'

- We Are One

Knightley has earned one of Pitbull's rare, albeit short, romantic lyrics.

George Wickham (Pride and Prejudice)

Pride and Prejudice 1995 BBC

Mr. Wickham is charming but a duplicitous and coercive liar. He preys on Darcy's sister, Georgiana as well as Elizabeth and Lydia Bennet. Safe to say, a scandalous elopement is Wickham's favourite pass time. Adoring attention from young ladies and sniffing out an enticing dowry wherever it can be found - he is the ultimate Austenian villain.

'I'm slicker than an oil spill

She say she won't but I bet she will'

- Timber

This lyric is - hmm, a choice? - one of Pitbull's most problematic lines so naturally Wickham wins it! (Whenever I'm reminded this lyric exists it gives me pause and I feel a sudden urge to donate to Greenpeace or Women's Aid).

Edward Ferrars (Sense and Sensibility)

Sense and Sensibility 1995 Columbia Pictures

Mr. Ferrars is a sweet and considerate gentleman who falls in love with the equally shy Elinor Dashwood. However, as a noble man of his word, he must honour his prior engagement to Lucy Steele so not to ruin his fiance's reputation forever, all the while being hopelessly in love with Elinor. Both Elinor and Ferrars are heartbroken but know it is the right thing to do. Luckily Lucy falls for his brother and Edward Ferrars is free to follow his heart.

'I always keep you up, up on a pedestal

Misery loves company, baby, don't sweat these hoes'

- Options

Reassuring words from Pitbull there.

Frederick Wentworth (Persuasion)

Persuasion 2007 ITV

Frederick Wentworth and Anne Elliot get engaged. As he has no money, Anne's father and Lady Russell strongly disapprove of the pairing and they good cop/bad cop Anne into breaking off the engagement. He is sorely hurt by this. Captain Wentworth returns from abroad much later with riches and in search for a wife. Eventually jealousy over Anne's upcoming engagement to another man spurs him to confess his feelings and she too says she never loved another.

'Baby, you know, you know we got a strong thing

So stop thinking bout the wrong things'

- Options

John Willoughby (Sense and Sensibility)

Sense and Sensibility 2008 BBC

Mr. Willoughby - AKA the king of ghosting - forms a serious and very romantic relationship with Marianne Dashwood until he suddenly leaves for London without explanation. He ignores all her letters. At a ball, when Marianne (not pictured) sees him again, Willoughby pretends he doesn't know who she is. He finally sends her a letter in which he apologises for giving the wrong impression - sloppy gaslighting! As if that isn't enough, it is revealed that before he met Marianne he got a young woman pregnant and ran away from her also.

'Man, you JFK, mami, you out your mind'

- Options

This one is out of pocket even for Pitbull, but it is basically what Willoughby wants to say to Marianne at the ball and passive aggressively states in his subsequent letter. Justice for Marianne!

Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

Pride and Prejudice 2005 Universal Pictures

Mr. Darcy initially resents the feelings he develops for Elizabeth Bennet. He infamously proposes by insulting her family and lower-class birth. Understanding that he must put his prejudice aside to win Elizabeth's prideful heart, he helps her save her sister's reputation and dispels the lies Wickham has told about him. Darcy is so devoted to Elizabeth, he puts in the WORK to make up for the car crash of his first proposal.

'I should take a step back, fall back

This girl got me feelin' risky'

- Move to Miami

This is what probably went through Darcy's head when he first realised he had feelings for a pauper.